The happiness inside

I am not quite sure if you are aware of the movie 'The sea inside'. I wrote about it some weeks back. But..yeah for the uninitiated...its about this quadriphlegic fight for euthanasia.This man roams the white sandy beach purely through his imagination. We can do that too. All we need is to make reality out of our own imagination. It brings me back to some theory of reality i wrote before but thats not the point here. This few days, I have been thinking alot and to give it a more emotional touch, I put myself through hypothetical situations. Imaginary realities. Such brings both sadness and happiness. But above all, it brings me close to my heart so I could see what it truly wants.

I used to know what the megalomania in me wants. Used to think that I am whole, complete. But I failed to recognise that much as I claim I am inhuman, neglecting the human side in me has inevitably caused me to neglect the people around me. Over time, this has added up to a legacy worthy of guilt. But its all about learning from mistakes isn't it?Yes, thats one of the biggest reason why i am feeling happy. Because I found happiness through imagination. Thats if you can see how it worked for me.Imagination, situations, realisation and happiness. Does that make sense to you? Well it sure does for me.

ANyway, its chinese new year. Haha. And ..yawn...I am tired. Feels much much more like a long weekend to me, tough days ahead. Training schedule is always pack. Want to find time to take leave also cannot. Haiz. Mine mine. What lies ahead in the year to come. Wonder why it suddenly feels like I am losing control in paving my own future.